im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
