Need sex. Gaining weight.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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