Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
