so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
