mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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