I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
