were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
