Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
