Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
