i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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