I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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