Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
