I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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