am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
