I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
