forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
