I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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