So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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