Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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