We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
