my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
