Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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