my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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