she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
