There is no way he is gay with that hair.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
