I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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