At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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