I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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