The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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