CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We're using joints as your birthday candles
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
