I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
no you cant smoke seaweed
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
