Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
