i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
