I have demons in me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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