After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
