I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
