forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
