so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
