I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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