on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize