he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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