i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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