Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
