how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
