Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
