I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
After tacos, we're chasing women.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
