I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
