i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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