Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
