someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
