I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
worst night to have a conscience
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
