haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
