I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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