I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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