She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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