all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
