yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
