she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize