then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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