I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
