The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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