i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize