Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There's always time for handjobs
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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