McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
