I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
