I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
